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Friday, September 05, 2008

	Photoshop this powerful plant	(63)
	About that jobless increase, apparently there is some fine print	(31)
	McCain edges out Obama with 38.9 million viewers, most of whom fell asleep and left the TV on	(226)
	Congressman still stands by uppity comment. Bonus: he lead opposition against renewing the Voting Rights Act, funding investigations into Civil Rights killings	(168)
	Hulk Hogan's files show he spends about $38K/month on legal fees while divorcing his wife. Meanwhile, she's spending $7K on clothing, $7.5K on maid service, and another $1700 on jewelry. A month	(65)
(Middle East Online)	The dirty secret that hides a dirtier secret: Middle East "Honor Killings" are usually just covers for other crimes against women	(127)
	"Bangkok Dangerous" pulls an impressive 9 percent at Rotten Tomatoes: "The only reason to see a Nicolas Cage movie these days is to have a good laugh at his latest wig"	(181)
	Continental Airlines introduces $15 fee for 1st checked bag	(93)
	O.J. Simpson in Vegas hoping to track down the real armed memorabilia robbers	(88)
	That green backdrop that was used during McCain's speech last night? Turns out it was the front lawn at Walter Reed, but it's not the Water Reed you're thinking of	(lots)
	New Jersey braces for winds and rains from Tropical Storm Hanna. Guidos warned that popped collars will act like sails in the wind	(218)
	Researcher determines 'The Simpsons' funnier than 'Seinfield' by examining brain stimulation. 'Friends' failed to register	(171)
	The UK refuses to let bagpipers perform at the Kremlin because of Russia's invasion of Georgia. Not having to listen to bagpipe music as punishment? Yeah, that'll teach them	(54)
	Al Qaeda vows more attacks against Denmark, Denmark readies LEGO Millennium Falcon for retaliation	(141)
(wsbtv.com)	One of the bonuses of evacuating for Hurricane Gustav is being able to rob stores in other cities	(192)
	Remember the mayor delivered drugs by mistake, and then the police raided his house and shot his dogs? They sheriff's office did a study and concluded they were correct to shoot the dogs, one of them while it was fleeing in terror	(512)
	You let a drunk mess with the mechanical bull in your restaurant, you get the lawsuit	(70)
	Study by Scottish professors of "sexology" suggests that women with longer strides and 'greater vertebral rotation' are more prone to orgasm. Submitter takes a new interest in the WNBA	(234)
	The sun will always rise in the east, the seasons will always come and go, and Florida will still be counting ballots	(53)
	British magazine awards annual oddest book title to "Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers," which is much better than previous winners "Bombproof Your Horse" and "Reusing Old Graves."	(45)
	Seven great sports moments (that might have been fixed)	(212)
	Unleaded gasoline available in Washington DC. Unleaded water, not so much	(36)
	Man complains to police that he was attacked during a pub crawl. By the red Teletubby	(37)
(KETV)	That black doll hanging by a wire from a cross in the yard is not racist, says the guy with the rebel flag and the dog named Hitler. "It's sentimental."	(197)
	British MP carries jar of unmarked white powder through Colombia while on trip. Hilarity ensues	(56)
	What did the Romans ever do for us? Irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and increased our susceptibility to AIDS	(109)
(The Collegian)	"Sex without a condom is the new engagement ring"	(321)
	Who needs strippers and booze at the bachelor party when you have Tasers?	(28)
	Thug armed with knife stabs 71-year old woman to steal her purse, is alarmed when she gets up and chases him down the street. In a related story, Skynet rolls out the T-71	(46)
	Up in the sky is it a bird, a plane... oh hell it's the unemployment rate	(314)
	In Canada, It's unconstitutional not to support single moms	(76)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this guy row-row-rowing his boat	(62)
(Some Guy)	Caption outgoing Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick	(140)
	Today's "hazing at a Christian college" story comes to you from San Diego. "Handy said the incident did not leave him with bad feelings. Nobody was urinated on."	(87)
	As if there weren't enough things to worry about, now you can add wallabies to the list of Australian animals which might kill you	(63)
(Some Guy)	Texas woman finds the Virgin Mary on a grape. Bonus quote: "Mom and I had a laugh about it at first, seeing as how we're Baptists and all and we generally don't expect to see holy people popping up in our foodstuffs."	(80)
	Britney's mom reveals in tell-all book how her daughter became a train wreck. Cue that blonde guy	(125)
	Man gets 12 years for telling his wife to put her head in a noose as part of a haunted house he made. In reality, he wanted to hang her. "He just felt horrible about the whole thing."	(48)
(ocala.com)	News: Generous 8-year-old hands out pile of $20 bills to other students. Fark: The cash was counterfeit and the student was busted by the lunch lady	(34)
	Woman in "shock" over giant zucchini. Probably should have used some K-Y	(104)
	One in seven people report being "bullied" at work. Numbers would have been higher except some people took their red Swingline home and came back only to set fire to the place	(72)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this challenging exercise	(30)
	Any advertisments that promote women as sex objects should be banned, according to an European Union report. EU the insanity	(135)
	Woman attacked by thugs who poured 16 pints of milk over her and ran away. Police describe it as "a little of the ol' ultraviolence"	(89)
	Man discovers innovative way to keep his house clean	(48)
(WA Today)	Snake loose on Air India plane. If only there was a pop-culture reference submitter could use to increase the chance of this headline being greenlit	(72)
	Right now someone's having a whole lotta sex, wheelchair be damned	(39)
	Buddhist monk attempts to kill hornets with a torch, is re-introduced to that fickle biatch called karma	(57)
	♫ These nutbags burn the morning train ♫ They set fire to it and then ♫ Some others hurl big-ass stones when ♫ The train keeps them awaitin' ♫	(31)
	Nanny State residents told not to expect cutting edge medical treatment from their socialized medical system. And by "cutting edge medical treatment", they mean "removing earwax"	(105)

Thursday, September 04, 2008

	Ecstasy dealer shocked that the police were able to identify her, but if you see the mugshot, you'll understand	(147)
(ABS-CBN)	90-day suspension not sitting well with "rectal scandal" victim even though he is used to people being a pain in his ass	(58)
(insidebayarea.com)	Study finds that toddlers absorb more toxic chemicals than mothers, scouring pads	(38)
	How to end up as a Fark headline, in three easy steps. 1) Own 10 cats. 2) Light a candle 3) Leave the house	(54)
(Some Guy)	Kenya believe it? It's snowing outside	(84)
	Crackhead decides to join physical fitness class to get in shape, at his local middle school. Hilarity ensues	(43)
	Michael Moore giving away his lastest piece of crap for free	(337)
(WFAA.com)	You can add "Exploding glass patio tables" to the list of things to worry about while you're having a beer in your back yard	(87)
	Brad Garrett to get prostate exam on live TV. Doctors hope to find his career	(78)
	Nik Richie of "thedirty.com" outed after a DUI bust. Matt Leinart seen giggling in the background, holding clipboard	(70)
(Some Ogre)	Photoshop Grandma Shrek	(64)
	Asked if she knew why officers were there: "Yes, because of what I have growing in my back yard, my marijuana plants"	(122)
	World War 2 airman hanging from a tree / R - O - T - T- I - N -G	(132)
	Bristol Palin's baby-daddy sends his greetings to a grateful nation	(267)
	Lobbyist Jack Abramoff sentenced to 48 months in prison, where he'll be aggressively lobbied for "pork subsidies"	(126)
	In case you've ever thought of trying a concoction of Baileys, chilli, tequila, absinthe, ouzo, vodka, cider and gin a look at this woman's face should quickly dissuade you	(148)
	No Lovin' for You: Proposal in Maryland would ban sexual relationships between elected officials, employees	(54)
	Wife poses as hotel hooker to please her man. What could possibly go wrong?	(170)
	British police force bans reflective sunglasses for officers. Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhh--aw, crap	(85)
	TX Governor has "think to about" whether to stay an inmate's execution even though the judge and prosecutor had an affair AND the inmates appeal hearing is scheduled after his execution date. God Bless Texas	(204)
	SUV owners finding novel way to get around high gas prices: Staging phony thefts of their vehicles	(99)
	Today's massive anti-war rally outside the RNC drew damn near 50 high school and college students	(179)
	Jesse Jackson hospitalized with case of malignant irrelevancy	(265)
	For the second time in a month, somebody's been shot in St. Louis over a hamburger dispute. The Hamburglar wanted for questioning	(51)
	Baltimore saves money by cutting off the same 10 people who constantly call 911	(102)
	Gunshot victim has to sue to get prosthetic leg back from prosecutors, despite being told his case will never stand up in court	(49)
	Attempting to hit on three women in a doughnut shop: desperate. Attempting to hit three women with your car after they rejected you in the doughnut shop: guaranteed to get you a date with all of them in court	(48)
(The Henderson Gleaner)	Kentucky: Land of Bourbon, Horses, and Feuding Folk Weathermen	(66)
	Survey reveals that people stranded on a desert island would rather be stuck with their pets than their partners; cats even more so because of the lack of a need for a litter box	(109)
(Some Guy)	AP notes that the media is preparing to "pore over Palin's personal life." What have they been doing up till now -- making up shiat? Oh, wait	(π)
	British man's condition upgraded from cremated to alive	(31)
(Daily Item)	Man uses some kind of ninja technology on his license plate to try to avoid paying $40 toll fee. Police on toll not so impressed	(63)
	Ice: goes great in a gin and tonic. In your Boeing 777 aircraft fuel: not so much	(54)
(Some Guy)	Cleveland Fark Party The Old Stand, October 11th at 8pm	(85)
	Moms say billboards too scary - Universal basks in the free publicity	(123)
	University of South Florida discovers that selling beer on campus might lead to drinking before class - school researchers now looking for cure to the painfully obvious	(82)
	New study shows that people who weave in and out of traffic or pass on the shoulder cause traffic jams. Suck it, lawless libertariantards	(390)
	MSNBC.com catches crucial footage of dancing Republicans	(188)
	Ah, the lifestyles of the rich and famous...a Wisconsin clothing store sues Oprah's mother for an unpaid bill, Oprah's mom says "she doesn't think she owes the money". All $156,000 of it	(74)
	The best segment in the history of The Daily Show ever	(741)
	Americans' productivity stronger than expected, despite what you are doing right now	(95)
	Kansas native and Dallas Cowboy, Terence Newman, goes on first rollercoaster ever, hilarity ensues	(66)
	Car slams into Budweiser beer truck and bursts into flames. Oh, the mediocrity	(57)
	Parents of boys are more likely than parents of girls to try and invent reasons for their boys behaving like unparented jackasses	(167)
(WWJ)	Mayor of Detroit gets upgrade, moves from Detroit to prison	(294)
	Crack investigative journalists discover that the GOP, including voters and officials, is almost entirely white	(387)
	Police find evidence that Caylee was abducted by the Ether Bunny	(155)
	Middle of the road college football team changes starting QB. Why is this news? The new guy is the son of the drummer from RATT	(92)
	"The baby boomers have much higher rates of self-destructive behavior than any parallel age group we have data from"	(81)
(Some Tfette)	Photoshop some genius and his turtle	(76)
	Cheney travels to Georgia to condemn Russia's "illegitimate" attempt at changing a sovereign nation's regime and borders. Awkward	(108)
	New horrors unveiled: Palin once attended a Libertarian party meeting. More troubling still, it was at a Denny's	(214)
	Fact checking Palin's speech. You may need to close a few applications to load the whole thing	(¼)
	Australia has too many women. China has too many men. Sometimes, the Obvious tag is the only way to go	(88)
	Sarah Palin gives a thoughtful speech about how to combat rising unemployment and restore America's leverage abroad. Just kidding, she's a dog that wears lipstick and she sold a plane on eBay	(lots)
	Black? Check. Pants slung low? Check. In Florida, that's an arrestable offense	(263)
(Some Guy)	Genius climbs over two fences to retrieve hat he lost on roller coaster. Hilarity ensues	(86)
	"Professor Splash" to attempt to set new world record, belly flop from 40' up into twelve inches of water. Cool and Stupid tags do synchronised cannonball. The Sun is there with scary slideshow of 35' test flop	(35)
(KTVU)	Eating the evidence to avoid drug charges doesn't always work, may backfire	(49)
	Cabbie goes nuts after customer writes "no tip--very rude" on credit card slip. Then things get weird	(132)
	Elephant beats heroin habit with detox	(30)
(Some Guy)	Even if it's true, don't tell the state trooper who pulled you over that you only use cocaine when you're with the prostitutes	(21)
(Peoria Journal Star)	School district may ban kids who are failing classes from going to prom, athletic events. Associate superintendant says kids' core business should be learning, and not "dropping it like it's hot"	(183)
	A school bus driver in New York City has been suspended after getting lost for five hours with little children stuck on board	(31)
	Spy satellites could soon be able to identify someone from space by looking at their shadow. Scientists still trying to work out that pesky 'sun' problem	(58)